By Emma Anderson
If you are reading this article, I am assuming that you’ve recently gained access to a time-machine - I am also assuming that you’ve crash-landed in the Ice Age.
You might think, ‘aye that’s mint that, this is when the hit-movie from 2002 took place’ and wander off into the wilderness. However, I am here to tell you that if you step one foot out of your machine, unprepared, that you are no better than dead.
Nevertheless, do not panic! If you follow my 5-step survival guide you will surely survive the night (whilst your time-machine recharges, of course).
Within the course of Earth’s history there have been five significant ice-age periods. Our first course of action is determining which ice-age you are in. If you are unfamiliar with such a concept, an ice-age is an extended period of time (usually lasting hundreds of millions of earth years) in which glaciers covered large areas of the world. There were periods of time where the glaciers melted, known as interglacials; you would hope that you’ve landed during one of these but, knowing you, you are most definitely smack-bang in the middle of a glacial period.
And, as I have determined, you are in the last-glacial period, or more commonly known as "The Last Ice-Age."
So, you are stuck roughly 20,000 years in the past. Ice sheets are almost 12000 feet thick, sea level is 400 feet lower than what you’re used to and global temperatures have dropped by 4 degrees celsius. Your immediate priority is not freezing to death, and we do that with shelter and fire.
Contrary to popular belief, a cave is not your best idea. Though a cave would surely shield you from the harsh cold, caves were often occupied by apex-predators (unlike yourself). One such predator was the giant short-faced bear; 11 feet when standing upright and weighing at a whopping 19,000 pounds. What’s more, caves were often occupied by mothering females, and, if you know anything about mother nature, that is a quick-fire way to a grizzly death (pun-intended).
A fossilised short-faced bear.
So, no caves. What now?
Archaeological and anthropological evidence suggests that our prehistoric ancestors lived in rock-shelters, impressions cut into riverbeds for a natural overhanging. There is also evidence to suggest that hides were used to waterproof and insulate these shelters. If you don’t have access to hides or a river-bed cutting tool, my next suggestion is finding a good old-animal carcass and using the bones as a framework for a shelter - grim but cosy.
As for fire, the ancient man used flint and flint, but this can be pretty dismal without experience so your best bet is a lighter or some matches.
Humans can go without food for three weeks, so your overnight stay at the glacial hotel doesn’t necessarily require a hunting trip. But, if you have gone 20 days without eating before your trip and are in desperate need for food (glorious food), you may have a few options available. If you happen to come across cave paintings, these can be integral to your survival. Paintings can often depict the prehistoric food sources, such as edible plants, which you can use as your pick of nibbles. If the vegetarian menu is not for you, searching for some meat is a little harder. Analysis of cavemen teeth found good ol’ horse matter, though taking down a horse by yourself may not be so easy. A possible option is the extinct version of the living tapir a.k.a the giant tapir; a pig-like creature, and also a speedy little thing, so it would require some running. Therefore, if you are planning on visiting the ice-age after this I’d recommend bringing some friends so it's not as much work.
A fossilised giant ground sloth.
On the topic of menus, in this climate I can confidently say that you are the special. There is an array of predators which can make you their evening meal, such as the sabre-toothed tiger, the aforementioned short-faced bear, the dire wolf, and especially the cave hyena. We have more evidence to support that cave hyenas ate humans due to skeletal remains found in caves. For surviving this lot, my advice is you can’t. A lot like a polar bear encounter, your best bet is praying for a quick death.
So, ending on that gloomy note, I hope you enjoyed your survival guide to the Ice Age. As you’ve probably concluded, living in the Ice Age as a loner roughly translates to ‘you’re screwed’. But, by the time that you’ve finished this article you’ve either survived and are travelling back to the present or you’re in the stomach of an abnormally large hyena. So no matter how badly your day is going, just think ‘at least I’m not living in the Ice Age.’
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